“How do you do it, doesn’t it suck?” Yes, it does suck but it’s worth it.
I always get asked this question whenever I introduce the fact of having a boyfriend who lives in Canada, while I live in New York. My answer is complex, yet simple.
Yes, it does suck but it’s worth it.
This is followed up by other questions such as:
- How did you guys even meet? (Border control’s favorite)
- How often do you see each other?
- Isn’t it hard to keep up with?
These are all valid questions to be asked when anyone is in a long distance relationship (LDR). What inspired me to write this post is the following conversation I’ve had with a friend who was on the fence of pursuing a long distance relationship:
Yes, it sounds crazy. Yes, it’s going to be hard. Yes, it’s going to cost a lot of money. Yes, it’s going to suck. But at the same time yes, they treat me the way I should be treated and more. Yes, they give me a reason to put value in them and more. Yes, they want to help me excel in every aspect of life, the same way I want to do for them. Yes, they understand the circumstances and wants this just as much as I do.
That’s what makes all of it work. The communication, the effort, and the care that is put into a relationship makes it worth the time, money, and travel (subtweet @potato).
A LDR relationships should be taken one day at a time. You’ll miss them on more days than others and it will hurt. A lot. Like a ton of bricks coming down on ya. So we take it one step at a time and handle the world at the same time. Its okay to move on with your separate lives and still be together, it gives you even more to talk about. There will be a time where both of your lives conjoin, and you’ll both know when that time is.
As long as you both understand each other’s own goals, wants/needs, and respect them; while also dedicating the time to communicate, compromise, and appreciate them then there isn’t much more to it.
This doesn’t only pertain to LDR, it goes for any relationship that you are in, whether it is near or far. Being in a relationship is not easy; and it shouldn’t be because helping each other grow is tough– shit, let alone knowing how to grow yourself is hard. But the support and care that you both give each other should uplift one another.
There isn’t more I can say on the topic that can be put into words. It’s a complex feeling that you become accustomed to when committing to a LDR. If you find yourself in a similar situation as my friend where you don’t know whether to pursue a long distance relationship or not, consider doing this:
Find the time to meet up with one another and discuss what you both want in your relationship. From there express how you will both equally meet the needs and wants of each other while apart. Next, discuss the outline of what you have planned for yourself in the future and see how it aligns with their own plans. This won’t be an easy conversation but it is one to have. It’ll open up a lot of dialogue to express how you feel, and ultimately lead to a decision that you make together.
Any relationship is hard, but as long as you both are in it together
all is swell.